Getting Deep: Dying, Love vs. Trust, Slut-Shaming

Deep, heartfelt writing is some of the best writing I've ever written and ever read. Behold: the longest blog post I think I will ever create. Step into my world of contemplations and learn a little more about me... 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel or when they are telling you how they feel? Neither is naturally difficult for me, but if I had to pick: probably the first. I'm not sure who else wouldn't say the same. 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? Someone unexpectedly said something sexist. I reacted. It impacted more than just the person who initially offended me. I don't still feel the same anger towards the person it consequently affected, nor the individual who said the comment, but I absolutely hold my initial judgment that the comment had sexist intentions whether the intentions were conscious or not. 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? I would like to say my boyfriend Jared, but it would be likely that either a). we would be flying together (due to my fear of flying), or b). I would find myself on a flight with WiFi, and we would've been texting so I could send an audio message. I would have to say either my dad or mom, to tell them I loved them. 4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? I would tell everyone. I think, while tragic, this opportunity would be so fascinating. I would learn who my true friends are and solidify my knowledge of who cares about my familial relationship by who made the time to visit me in my final month. I would quit my job, eat all of my favorite, not-good-for-you items (yes, gluten-filled), wake up at 6AM every day ready to embrace new adventures, travel the world with my best friends and family, sell my possessions and use the money to buy my loved ones gifts, make generous donations and volunteer my time to positive nonprofits that have impacted my life, write a heartfelt letter to my partner's future partner, make sure my partner is at peace and of course, blog/vlog every day of it. I would be afraid every day, but I hope that my thirst for experience would outweigh my fear. 5. You can have one of the following two things: Love or Trust. Which do you choose? Why?  Love. Trust can be broken and rebuilt. It has within my experiences of love, and I have a feeling it always will. In some ways, you must always trust the person you give your heart to (in any capacity), however, you also cannot fully trust any fellow human. You must love, and love triumphs over all. Our world needs more love--less blinded trust that we won't get involved in war, violence, prejudice, sadness and hatred. 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dog's life? Why or why not? Absolutely! No monetary compensation can trump the importance of love and compassion between two living, emoting organisms. I feel competent enough to find a different job if my boss was unable to understand that I was late to work due to saving a dying life. 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? Trust. This is a trick question, but if we put those that I immensely love and trust equally aside and focus purely on the person after those that I trust the most, I would take that person's harm over the one I love with all my heart. I'm saying this from my current POV--if you had asked me this 4 years ago, it would've absolutely been the other way around. 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? My greatest friend is my current partner, but speaking of other great friends, in my current situation, I would say that I am flattered and I appreciate their honesty because that is a very heavy subject to discuss with a best friend, however, I would not entertain their feelings. Perhaps I would explore the relationship if I was single. My friends are all so gorgeous, inside and out! 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or why not? The most recent person I heard of passing away wasn't someone who I was close with, so unfortunately, I don't think I would. Their death is assumed to be partially their fault, and because of that fact, I have less respect for them (this is absolutely not meaning to justify their death, but I have to acknowledge the full nature of the incident). The last person that died who I knew better committed suicide last year. I wouldn't add another hour to their life, because I knew how unhappy this person was for whatever reason. I wouldn't want to prolong their unhappiness, and I'm glad they are in a better place now. If I was able to give them a happy hour with no hurt, I would be honored to donate a year of my life for this person. They were a parent, a brother, a partner, a veteran and an incredible activist. 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Yes. I try to model the kind of friend that I wish to see in others, although I'm not perfect. Supportive, there for you after one phone call, honest, has a huge closet, advocates for the dignity of all lives, makes you think and is a good person to debate with. 11. Does love = sex? Not always, but it can. Sex is vital to love and healthy relationships, however, sex can be cultivated without love. I've certainly associated the two throughout my life. 12. Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or why not? It depends on the nature of my occupation. If it was my current job, I believe I would. If it were my dream job, I would need to know a little bit more about this co-worker's situation before I made such a rash decision. I also don't have the most stable income currently and I must support myself and my partner, so on the other hand, my job is necessary to my support. 13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I said things behind their back inappropriately, attempting to confide in those we knew, and naturally those comments came back to them. I felt uncomfortable with some of the jokes this person was making, and we had a long conversation over text that has made our relationship stronger since. I learned an important lesson, and discovered that petty B.S. will never ruin what I have with this person. I can't release this person's identity. 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell someone: that you love them or that you do not love them back? I've never actually had to say the words: "I don't love you back," but definitely that one. Love is a beautiful thing. Why do people struggle to express it? I've never understood that. It hasn't been an issue in any of my romantic relationships. Maybe I just pick those who are open to love. 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? Not speaking in terms of people, probably this blog. My laptop. Blogging and social media is a form of expression for me, it helps me make sense of my life and celebrate the wonderful moments. Anyone can do it, yet it's always perfect no matter who does it. It honors individuality and that is vital. 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? I told one of my closest friends that I loved her when she recently experienced a breakup. She called me crying and when we said goodbye, I told her to hang tight, that I would pick her up in a few hours and that I loved her. 17. If there was one moment in the last month that you could change, what would you change and why? All the petty arguments I've had with people. There haven't been a lot, but the few did sting. 18. Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? Jared. It feels safest having a male presence with me, especially the one I love and who indefinitely protects me.  19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or why not? To be frank, there is a huge drug problem among the homeless people where I live. I don't see many homeless people in the daylight that I perceive to be genuinely lost because of an unfortunate series of events they did not choose for themselves, and because I am strongly against the use of hard drugs, I can't say I would with complete confidence. There is a whole ton of LGBTQ individuals who have been kicked out of their house, those who have been laid off because of the economy and cannot provide for their families, etc. I would do what I could to save them. It is important to acknowledge the cycle of chronic homelessness as a gateway to drug use, and the sentiment that many of these individuals do also become drug users because it is all they are offered. I'm very conflicted on the subject and I am not educated enough, nor have I experienced anything similar in order to answer with integrity. However, I suck at CPR. I'm not your best bet. 20. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? Who is this newborn? Can we consult with God before I make my decision, in order to find out if it's the next Hitler or Mother Teresa? I'm kidding. I would choose to drop the baby. It's too young to know what's going on, I don't have an emotional attachment to it (who the hell would let their grandmother fall to her death?), it could grow up to contribute to our society's demise. There's too many variables and I don't feel comfortable giving a newborn without a formed personality or psychiatric evaluation 80 years when my beloved grandmother might have a good 20 left. This blog is called Fashionably Frank for a reason, you know. 21. Are you old fashioned? To an extent. For my personal choice, I value "traditional" man/woman marriage however I support all marriage. I believe sex is between two exclusive people. I want a white picket fence and two kids, with a husband that provides a masculine presence in the home. I want to clean and decorate my home, making it look nice for my family. In a culture sense, I love country music, and I support those who risk their lives fighting for our country. However, I don't believe in slut-shaming or perpetuating rape culture, so I don't support the old fashioned notion that a woman was "asking for it" by wearing too short a skirt. I don't believe my worth is determined by how low cut my top is, however I do try to present myself with a certain level of class. 22. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? When I picked up my friend during her awful breakup, allowed her to have her night the way she needed in order to process the situation, drove her to get food, held her hand. I drove another friend of mine to pick up something from her work and get groceries because I didn't want her without a car. Other than this, I like to think my activism work through PFLAG is a good example. 23. Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never love at all? Why? True love. "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," is the iconic quote muttered by newscasters when my idols, Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov lost their love due to Sergei's sudden death, and I've lived this quote ever since. My heart is always open to the possibility of love, and it's surely been broken many times. 24. If you could wish anything, what would it be? That I will live a happy, healthy and successful life in my future, and that those around me will find the same fulfillment. That I will learn to overcome my fears and learn to live a balanced life. What was the most interesting question of this set? Share some of your answers in the comments or let's contemplate a question further over email: franklykathryn(at)gmail.com. Thanks for sticking around!

 

Kathryn CoffmanComment