Is your BFF acting fishy? She might be a faux best friend! This is a repost from an old September 2014 article I wrote regarding whether or not your BFF is the real deal in these 21st century times. In 2014, I had just come out of a few nasty friendships and I compiled a list of things best friends absolutely should not do. The habits listed below are incredibly detrimental to a friendship, and I've seen them all too often.
1. She makes comments about your physical appearance, etc. negatively. Perhaps she also often claims that her cutting comments are “just jokes”. Commenting about how thick you are or how ugly an outfit is on you, how stupid you are because you said that one thing, and/or what she does or doesn’t like about your romantic relationship shows her true colors. True girlfriends don’t say anything below the belt unless they are truly concerned for you and approach the conversation maturely.
2. She never “likes” your posts nor comments on stuff happening in your life. If you see her surfing Facebook and Instagram like nobody’s business, yet never “liking” your items or taking a few seconds out of her day to message you, comment on a big event that has recently taken place in your life, etc., you probably aren’t at the top of her priority list. This may be her subtle way of sending the message that your friendship isn’t as valued to her as it is to you.
3. She constantly bails on you or shows up late to your scheduled times. Or, acts like it’s your responsibility to check in with her and remind her about the things you have planned together. You’re not her personal assistant! If a girl wants to maintain a solid friendship, she makes an effort to show up on time or give you a legitimate reason as to why she’s so late (also, she often doesn’t commit the same offense twice).
4. She hardly ever asks you to do things, and never texts you to check up. Does your gal ever text you: “I miss you! Let’s hangout soon!”? Probably not. This is a typical problem I’ve come across, and I’m quite frankly sick of it. Maybe your girl truly is just a very busy gal, but most high school and college students (while working a job and volunteering!) can find a couple hours out of their day to spend with you if they wished to. 5. She’s only interested when she can get the juicy gossip. Oh, you got back together with that ex-boyfriend she didn’t favor? You have the details about a mutual friend’s dilemma? I’m sure your girl is all in! She’s quick to comment or text when something happens that is shocking, but never says hello when life is going swimmingly.
6. She only hangs out with you when her other plans fall through. Pretty self-explanatory. A girl should never settle for a less-than friendship, and if you often hear her tell stories about how she had other plans prior to meeting up with you but they fell through, she may be using you as a fall-back girlfriend. You should never settle for second best in any area of your life.
7. She’s quick to make plans without informing you until the last minute. A good friend is courteous and aware of others’ feelings and wishes. She may often spring plans on you last minute, or tell you what you’re doing without inquiring beforehand. She may be bossy, and genuinely unconcerned with how you feel on the matter.
8. She “ranks” her BFFs and constantly talks about her other friendships. Your BFF time should be just that–a time for the two of you. If she’s constantly talking about her other friendships (and she’s not complaining or confiding in you for advice) and how amazing her BFF Jill is, it’s probably time to distance yourself and find someone who truly values YOU for you!
9. She is a bad influence on you. She is constantly peer-pressuring you into doing things (drugs, alcohol, or even a common activity that you dislike) that you do not want to do, and makes fun of you for it when you don’t comply. Maybe she causes you to spend too much money, or sucks up all of your scheduled homework time. Gals whom you can’t manage money or time while in their company can be toxic, especially in these vital years of education. A little bit of slacking is fine, but not weeks worth.
10. She makes you feel like you have to defend and justify yourself. You know those girlfriends who give you the disapproving face whenever you may begin to explain your reasoning behind something? Yeah, those. Maybe you’re explaining something so commonplace to you and your other girlfriends, but she just doesn’t get it, and for whatever reason, she feels the need to visibly state that. Perhaps she even goes as far as to attack your reasoning. A true girlfriend questions the reasoning, but doesn’t spit on it.
11. She doesn’t confront conflict or address an issue she has with you. This is probably the most important point of all 11 points, and that is the girl who is unable to address conflict and move on healthily. If she’s unwilling to discuss and work through an issue like adults, utilizing compassion and honesty, she’s definitely not your girl. A friendship has to blossom throughout the bumps and hurdles it may face.
I just want to scream about how important these are and how absolutely PISSED I am when I meet yet another disappointing soul who treats their so-called "friends" this way! Can't we all just get along?
What are your BFF deal-breakers? Leave them in the comments!