"You are not a girl who settles."
Well, hello! It's been some time since I've written here, greatly due to a relationship that occupied my time, zest for familiar passions and any form of devoted patience or energy. Going through an unsettling breakup is never easy, but it's always for the best. This past week I've been crying, contemplating and very slowly but surely allowing myself to move on from one of the greatest losses (if not the greatest loss) I have experienced thus far. Having been alive only two decades and knowing there is much more time for me on this earth (I can only hope) is easing the process of resilience. Not to mention, an amazing, strong support system of parents, friends and the great ladies I work with.
When I say amazing, strong support system: I mean it. I've had acquaintances I only met days before check in on me every few hours to make sure I was doing okay, even if it meant only sharing some compassionate words and continuing on with their day. I've had classmates that I had no inkling were so selfless drop everything to come to my rescue. I've had dear friends cook for me, treat me out and co-workers force me to realize my worth. Talk about a life-changing, gratitude-filled experience.
I have gone through the motions of grieving my loss: getting angry at my loss, feeling helpless over my loss and now finally letting go of the loss and bettering life as I know it. Sure, I miss my ex greatly, and I'm positive a small part of me always will, but I need to keep one foot in front of the other, and keep on moving (literally). In many ways: this is a blessing in disguise.
I've given up the act of blaming him for the breakup and instead have come to realize how wrong we were for each other at this point in our lives: he could never remain honest with me, feared commitment and I was exerting an unreasonable amount of energy in order to stray him from this behavior when it really just... is what it is! Not to mention, I gave up the possibility of having a second family, and endured my generous share of hardships caused by our partnership.
Being two young people in the 21st century, ever-evolving society is difficult at times. Do we split up and discover other paths without each other? Is that for the best? Or did we just give up the best love of our lives because one of us just couldn't compromise anymore? Time will tell, but I think time will prove that we (or he) made the correct choice.
Having a track record in my past serious relationships as the "dumper" and not so much the "dumpee", I suppose this is karma from a long time coming, regardless of the fact that all but one of my previous partners have been unfaithful or straying in one or more ways. All of my support system has pointed out the obvious fact that I'm a (self-proclaimed) serial monogamist and this could be a really fantastic opportunity to focus on myself.
So, for the past few days, I have been on a blog-reading, blog-writing, trash TV, YouTube video, hot tea, cooking, friend/family time binging marathon to get myself back to, "a place of me." While I am sad that a particular chapter in my life has finished, I am so, so happy for the next. This go around, I'll be taking my sweet time and exploring how to be with "me" and less with "them", whoever "them" is.
What are some of your best takeaways from a breakup?