Thinking about gettin' hitched? Maybe you've been dating for a while now, or you're jumping the gun early and you'd rather seal the deal ASAP. Here's a compiled a list of the 10 most important questions to ask your partner before you get married (in my opinion). These questions were chosen mainly due to the fact that they are deal breakers for me if answered in a manner that does not apply to my lifestyle, and I need to ensure that the partner I have chosen is the right one for me in these 10 main areas.
1. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 20 YEARS?
This one is incredibly important. You need to know whether or not you can dedicate time to a partner depending on where they see themselves in the next couple decades. Are they successful in a particular line of work? Where are they living? What does their family look like?
Sure, things change and people change with time, but if I can't decipher at least a general idea of where my partner aspires to be in 20 years, they may not be enough of an organized, driven person as I would hope to marry. To each their own!
2. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT, IF ANY?
I'm the type who has the marriage and kids conversation very early on in the relationship--within the first three dates. I don't date "to date", I date "for marriage"! When I say that, I mean that I don't casually date. I date with an end goal in mind for sometime down the road, even if that sometime doesn't arrive for many years.
If I don't find myself compatible with my partner's wishes of children, I'm unlikely to want to waste months, perhaps years of my life with someone who ultimately doesn't share my vision of the future. Kids are one of the first conversation subjects you should discuss with your potential spouse, of course!
3. WHO ARE YOU VOTING FOR IN THE NEXT ELECTION + WHICH PARTY DO YOU TYPICALLY SIDE WITH?
Of course, this is an equally important topic of discussion with your partner. I'm personally unsure if I could ever be with someone that didn't have the same political belief system as me and certainly know I couldn't marry them without it.
Asking your sweetie who they are voting for in the next election may seem like a taboo subject, but it's necessary in order to ensure that your beliefs and values align properly. Along with this, which general party they typically side with is just as important.
4. WHAT WERE YOUR ASPIRATIONS AS A KID + HOW HAVE THEY CHANGED?
This question is a great way to delve deeply into your partner's "past life", if you will, and allows you to see how they changed and grew over time. If they started with a particularly ambitious career aspiration as a child, go deeper into why that didn't work out and what it was that attracted them to that path in the first place.
I've always loved helping people, so being a teacher was always a possible career of mine in addition to psychology and counseling. I love sales and marketing--I was the first kid to grab the printing calculator and pretend to ring up sales for my parents (my fake customers). I am sentimental and value musicality and expression--along came figure skating! Seeing all the parts that make up your partner can be rewarding and quite honestly, just adorable!
5. WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL, DREAM VACATION? SETTING, ACTIVITIES, FOOD, ETC.
You wouldn't want to marry someone who didn't like your dream vacation spot, am I right!? All the things that go into making a vacation successful (and not miserable) for the two of you are worth a chat. Growing up very different from my folks, we had a lot of rough family vacations and didn't master the art of family vacationing until I was much older.
Being able to establish that you and your soon-to-be spouse like doing the same activities, eating the same faire and vacationing in the same environment/climate is wise. Challenging each other is good to an extent, but when it comes down to it: you need to be able to ENJOY the vacation and not bicker the entire time!
6. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE LIVING WHEN YOU RETIRE?
Similar to asking them where they enjoy vacationing, knowing where your partner would like to live (or do) post-retirement can be helpful. I want to retire in Canada. Will I? Who knows, but a girl can dream!
I want to be somewhere I've never lived before--somewhere calm, yet still exciting. Somewhere I can be surrounded by innovation, yet respectful individuals and beautiful sceneries. Maybe your partner is more of a risk taker. Perhaps they'd like to take up skydiving at 65 years old or retire in a jungle with a bunch of beautiful wild animals.
7. WHAT FAITH DO YOU PRACTICE IF ANY?
Some people say this is as big of a deal breaker as politics and has to do with the deepest core of your being. I've noticed throughout my young years of dating that it's incredibly difficult for me when my partner doesn't share my belief system. I struggle to understand why they don't see the world (or a greater being than our little world) the way I do.
Asking your partner what faith they believe in, if any can help you begin the discussion about kids and whether or not they have a strong feeling about raising their children in a certain religion or system of faith. This can impact your marriage greatly.
8. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS TO SPEND YOUR DAYS OFF?
Another fun question like #5, this inquiry can help gauge what this person will be doing in their free time throughout your relationship and can also help you in deciding whether or not their lifestyle suits yours. Living together prior to marriage can help with this (and I highly suggest it), but I am aware not every individual believes this is the way to go.
Do they play video games all day? Do they paint? Do they play a super loud drum set? These are all things I'd want to know about my potential life partner.
9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SAYING: "NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY"?
I am a BIG BELIEVER in this saying! After a few failed 1-2 year relationships, I started to remind myself to ask potential partners this one simple question. I'm a tooth-and-nail kinda gal who doesn't go to bed until she resolves an issue, and this personally works very effectively.
If you're the type to throw down like this too, you might want to ask your partner if they are as well so there are no surprises when that day comes. Or, perhaps it already has.
10. WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IS YOUR PURPOSE HERE ON EARTH?
This is a question that I feel tells you a lot about your partner's aspirations and deepest ideas they have about themselves. What they believe their calling or purpose is here on earth can be helpful when thinking about how they will conduct themselves throughout life. If they don't have a strong idea as to why or what they're doing here, they may be easily lost or distracted.
What's one question you could never marry someone without asking them? Sound off in the comments!